How Am I? I'll Tell You!

I'm getting a bit sick of people who seem to think that the only correct response to the question, "How are you?" is "Well". That's not true, people. "Good" is also correct.

You see, the difference between "well" and "good" is simple. "Good" is an adjective. That means that it describes nouns. A film can be good, as can a tree, a dog, an event or a thought. "Well", on the other hand, is an adverb. That means that it describes verbs. You can watch something well, climb something well, pat something, attend something or think something well. Right? Okay.

If I ask you, "How is the film?", the correct answer is "good". It is not "well". So too if I ask you, "How are you?", the correct answer is "good". It is not "well". This is because "you" is a (pro)noun, and not a verb. If I say, "How are you going?" or "How are you doing?", then the correct answer is "well" and not "good". Both "go" and "do" are verbs. Right.

Now, you might tell me that the question, "How are you?", naturally assumes one of the previous two extensions. Clearly I am not asking you how you are as a person, but how you have been keeping. "Keep", like "do" and "go" is a verb and merits the adverbial response. But I disagree. I do not think that that is necessarily what people are asking me, and I do not feel that it is incumbent upon me to treat the question as though it is possessing an invisible verb.

Next time someone asks you how you are, indicate that the sentence was a nominal one by providing them with something that is clearly an adjective! Look them straight in the eye and say,

"Tall, thanks. How are you?"