How to Pick Up a Girl in Tel-Aviv

(Translated from the Hebrew: מדריך תל־אביב מקוצר: איך להתחיל עם בחורה, by Chanoch Levin)

In a coffee shop; Friday, after lunch

[A young man approaches a girl sitting alone in a coffee shop and sits on her]

Girl: Excuse me, but you're sitting on me!
Man: Waiter! I hear that you have talking seats?

[The waiter approaches]

Waiter: That's not a seat - it's a lady.
Man: So why don't you use seats!?
Waiter: We do use them, only you've sat upon a lady by mistake...
Man: Fine, fine! Bring me a cup of tea and stop screwing with my brain! Women and seats!

[to the girl]

The waiters here, I'm telling you!... What's your name?
Girl: Shoshana.